This is not a “one-time thing”. We do this every day. Now, imagine how "well-trained" your body must be because of this. For me—I did not even know of the tensions I was holding. I had completely lost the muscle-mind connection for certain parts, and therefore the ability to actively relax individual muscles. And when I tried to relax my neck and jaw it was like moving one of my tiny toes—IMPOSSIBLE. The first time (after 4 days), I managed to relax my jaw, my facial muscles started to shake because they did not know how TO NOT HOLD tension. So, like an onion, I started peeling the different muscle layers and relaxing the tension I held there. Step by step, sometimes feeling immense rushes of release, until I had one experience where my body started feeling completely light. I don’t really know how to describe this feeling, but if I had to, I’d say this: This may sound hard to grasp or even to believe, but what I can say is: Observing and relaxing your body can become a truly joyful experience. This was basically the first thing we had to learn (btw. This is also what the asana practice is for): To release all the blockages in your body. So your body does not disturb you on your way into meditation. However, the body wasn't my biggest problem. It was the mind. INNER DIALOGUEBecause of my interest and background in psychology, the concept of the inner dialogue was something I was already familiar with and also engaged in, for instance when I was journaling. But phew, I wasn’t aware of the extent of it. When they introduced this concept, they used a funny metaphor for why we should learn about the inner dialogue and befriend our minds: Maybe you see the point already: Our mind is deciding about whether we can “enter the country” (of ourselves). Or if it works against you. Which is basically how I started the first days. Part of my mind was a very loud and annoying tiny (inner) child. If I asked it to be silent so that I could start my meditation, it started being exactly the opposite: Extremely childish, loud, and talking without ANY pause. After the second or third day, it was slowly joined by a toxic parent who was becoming annoyed with the child and started screaming because it wanted the child to shut up. So there I was with a stubborn child and a shouting parent having (not really) a conversation in my head. Sounds like I went crazy? Or familiar? You decide. However, I remembered what the teachers said at the beginning: Be gentle and become a friend of your mind. So, I started doing that. Instead of just badly wanting it to shut up, I started asking my mind questions like: Why are you doing that? What can I do to make you feel more calm? And suddenly, it became busy with answering my questions instead of fighting itself about silence. It started collaborating with me and every time I sat down to meditate, it was more and more willing to join me. Having said that I realize, you never really stop thinking. But you stop being scattered and directed by your mind. You gently take over control. You start directing. COMPLETE STILLNESSIn the Ashram, they talked a lot about this: the inner stillness. And at the beginning, I thought—yeah, sounds nice, but to be honest, also kind of boring (?!) Why would I want to sit down and experience complete stillness, as like a life goal? I mean, when I am stressed, I get it, but in their descriptions, the books, and the teachings, it was hyped so much that I could not really understand why. Until I experienced it. For me, it was only one single moment, and also a VERY short one. Just like I learned, I first relaxed my whole body, then I kindly asked my mind to meditate with me, I focused successfully on my very deep and smooth breath, and then I started focusing on my heart. Everything got silent, and suddenly I started to feel this rise of immense bliss. It came out of silence and felt like pure joy, love—a kind of ecstasy. All of this just by sitting, focusing, and breathing. Of course, I got so excited at that moment—it immediately went away. I realized that meditation is like being in the forest with a deer. If you want it to come closer, you need to become completely still and wait for it to move. What I did in that moment, and also in the first days after this experience, was basically to run after the deer, screaming, that I want to pet it. With no chance of success obviously. CONCLUSIONYou might ask yourself what the takeaway is from all of this. Why is this of any importance to someone who does not want to live a monk life in an ashram in India waiting for moments of bliss in silent meditations? What is the sense of meditation at all? I believe that there is something beautiful within ourselves, but it's hidden from everyone who is afraid of silence. If however, you are willing to try, you will walk and work through your different layers, it will lead you to:
And the last point is to me, the biggest gift these two weeks gave me. I was diagnosed with adult ADHD right before I came to India. I was used to being a daydreamer, chasing one idea after another, being stressed out by whirling storms of thoughts. I was used to being inside my mind and controlled by it. When I meditated, I was basically just sitting with my thoughts. This is what meditation often is in the beginning for many people. But I learned that this is just the the first stage. I learned that I can get out of my head instead of following random thoughts without noticing, being controlled by my mind. I learned that there is stillness within me and that I can reach it whenever I want to. So, if not for "realizing yourself", for reaching enlightenment, or for the single experience of a moment of bliss. Start meditating for your everyday life. For the situations in which your mind tells you stories about all the bad things of your past and future. For all the situations in which you are anxious, or the times in which you’re angry at your partner, child, or parent. For all the situations in which you want to be yourself and not controlled by your thoughts and emotions. Do it, for all of that. With lots of love, Carina 🌻 P.S. If there are any questions or anything you want to share, please don't hesitate to get back to me. I am here for you! RETREAT ANNOUNCEMENTFirst of all, thank you so much for being here and for reading the words I put down for you every month! I am really grateful for the opportunity to build this community. Even more, I am now able to spend my time creating the safe spaces I imagine for this community. This year, I am planning several retreats for you to join me and two other co-creators of mine. The one I am announcing today will also be the biggest (one week in the beautiful sun of Andalusia, Spain). Together with a good friend and yoga teacher of mine, we envisioned a retreat that brings together the philosophy of yoga and the science of psychology. If you are interested in spending time with a small group of 15 people on a ranch in Andalusia, you can join the waitlist (and secure the 5% discount).
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Deep Dive is a once a month newsletter that delivers science-backed insights from psychology to provide you with advice on how to reach your potential mindfully. | Hi, I am Carina, a Business Psychologist and Founder of namascae who believes that we can change the way we are doing business.
The 1st Sunday. Every Month. DEEP DIVE Hey there ✨ before we start today, I have some very exciting news to share! Those of you who were already on the waitlist can jump over to the next section –but for everyone else: This September you'll have the chance to join my very first Yoga Meets Psychology Retreat: Resilience & Growth 🎉Together with a friend of mine, we designed something that is meant to last by enabling you to integrate selfcare into your daily lives. If you are interested in...
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